Some things you're not understanding.
First you have a wonderful camera. I know because I have a Rebel XS and love it. So lets go through these items one by one to help you understand some things.
The first thing is that 95% or more of every photo is with the photographer not the camera. Cameras regardless of make, model or price don't perform miracles and that's what you seem to be asking for so here's my explanations.
"Zoom really close." This is called macro - meaning short distance or close. This feature is in the lens of any camera. You need to have a lens that has a macro feature and that will give you the close ups you want. You can not, never could, get close like that with a standard lens - won't happen.
"Really Fast (fps)" The cameras you and I have do about 3-frames per second. You can get them faster (more) if you want to invest say $2,500 or up in your camera body. All consumer SLR cameras like ours are at about 3 per second. There are actually two reasons for this. One the mechanics of an SLR - simply moving the mirror up and down faster than that is very hard on the equipment and two the camera's buffer size. A buffer, in case you don't know, is where the recorded data goes prior to being recorded on your memory card. All digital cameras have a buffer and the size of that buffer determines how much data can be recorded in one "burst". Burst being the FPS you're asking about.
"As soon as you press the button." This will never happen with any automatic camera. The time you're referring to is called Lag time. That time is needed by the camera to properly focus and expose to give you a photo. If that doesn't happen you'll have no photo at all - simple as that. What you have to do is learn to live with your camera's lag time and work within it like the rest of the world does.
"Focus in the dark". This will not happen on any automatic camera. A camera works just like your eyes which also have problems trying to focus in the dark. This is why your flash does perhaps several slight bursts when focusing for flash. You can get around this by going to manual focus. For twilight or star shots and run your lens to infinity - the little "8" sign on the lens and then shoot your stars. You'll also need a tripod because this will end up being a time exposure. Also use your
10-second self timer because even the movement of you pressing the button will cause the camera to move and give you blur..
"Running deer or humming bird". You can do those things also if you know how to properly operate the camera which you apparently don't. This kind of thing requires very high shutter speed at
1/500 to 1/1000. This can also be done but remember what I wrote above, all of this is with the
photographer not the camera. Unless you know how to properly operate your camera in the first place you're always going to be disappointed but the camera can't do everything - you do most of it.
It's very apparent that you know very little about operating a quality camera which yours is. Read the book, perhaps take an SLR class, learn to properly operate your camera for these different situations and with time you'll start to get the drift.